For years I spent my life searching for a way to end the drama in my life. I wanted to find that "technique" or solution that would somehow trigger the off switch in my brain so that I may cease the insanity that perpetuates so much negativity. And, I found many great solutions. I found hundreds of answers that would divert, turn around, make me aware of and change the way I saw the world. However, as many times as I had such an awakening, something akin to what those in the Zen tradition would call satori, my thoughts would revert back to their usual pattern. Yes, I grew in knowledge of how and why I and the rest of the world should and could wake up out of that slumber-like mode of living but application is key, and not just for one to twenty four hours.

            However, out of my wonderfully horrid issues I began to notice something within the patterns of perpetual madness. And this was an awakening that didn't bring anything knew. I noticed that I was creating my problems. I noticed that something within me resonated with every issue I had ever gone through and even those issues that seemed totally external, the ones that were brought upon me with no connection, seemingly, on my end, it was how I dealt with them that caused my strife. At this point I began to ask a new question. What if I am not here to awaken? What if I am here to deal with my problems and not escape them?

            To be continued…