Though most likely these words are not those that are spoken, quite often "Do what I say or else" is the implication. It might be covered up by words like "can you do this for me" or "it's the least you could do", but if you search deep enough you will hear an ultimatum in within their voice. Often this form of blackmail can come as a subliminal threat to end the relationship or even to take away something they control. But, fear not, this sort of attitude arises out of fear and is really a last resort for the individual's childish nature to take hold of their body, almost like a parasite. The best thing you can do in such a situation is look upon the attitude of this person (or yourself if that is the case) and smile at it just as you would the antics of a child.

Recent events have stirred the pot for my emotions. It was a brief stint in an otherwise blissful existence, but the occurrence of boiled emotions was a reminder. It was a reminder for me to stay out of my mind, to rise above the preconceived notions I had about what I should do when it comes to close family members. We all have those preconceived notions; we were all trained with them as children.

"You should do this for me because I am this to you"

"For family, the rules are different"

"I've given so much to you and this is how you repay me?"

Now, because I brought personal matters into this blog I will throw the disclaimer that the individual I am speaking about is not one of my parents. However, these circumstances quite often can apply to parents, brothers, aunts, cousins and so on.

At this point in my life I ask: Why? Why should I or anyone else do anything? Is it mandatory? Who deemed it so? The word should is often accompanied in a statement designed to blame and often people are not aware that this is what they are doing. "Why are you doing this to me?" was a phrase used in a comversation questioning my inaction on a particular subject. It is as if we "owe" others, parents or friends, something and when the time comes to collect we must pay our dues.

For those receiving such a statement I ask: Are you aware that you have a choice in the matter? For those saying such a statement I ask: Are you aware that you are placing responsibility of your life on someone else?

Being dominant is not a negative thing. We human beings, no matter the argument, share some very similar traits with our animal kin. We have certain drives, drives such as hunger, sexuality, territorial claiming, a need for security and so on. In particular, one of the traits we share with many animals is our pack oriented trait. Just look at a map. You will see that human beings cluster together wherever they go. You yourself might notice a desire to attend a public shindig simply because there are a large number of people gathering.

Being a pack oriented species means that we have different positions within the "crew". Some people are naturally leaders; others are great at diffusing arguments, while others have a different function. All members are supportive of the total. In short: We are all part of the total.

Now, because our society has grown twisted in many forms, people who are now placed in positions unnatural to their nature. An example of which would be when someone tries to take advantage of you through manipulation of any sort. This is the opposite of true leadership and it is your opportunity to assert dominance. Regardless of your role in a social setting you are ultimately the leader in your life. If someone has stepped beyond their role and is using an energy that clearly feels "wrong" or "unhealthy" this is your opportunity to shine.

Here are a few pointers:

1. Remove emotion (wait until its gone, meditate, take a walk)
   
2. Remove the idea that its personal (people are ignorant out of habit, not by choice, hence the word IGNORance)
   
3. Find out what you want (make it clear within what you want or what you need to happen)
   
4. Be honest with yourself (if you won't, who else will?)
   
5. If you find yourself angry, sad or heavy with any negativity, understand that you are feeling powerless and are unconsciously hoping your emotion will change the other's behavior
   
6. Being in control of you is being your own master (no one can control you, therefore, you control your fate)

What is love… baby... don't hurt… me?

For those of you who actually got the joke, this blog is not about the popular dance song from the eighties or nineties (whenever it came out). But, what is love? To be honest, and to sadden all of those hopeless romantics, love is, like a relationship, just a word. However, to brighten up those saddened faces, the word does point to something. Unfortunately, people quite often are pointing to many different things when they use the word love. The Latin language alone has, I believe, more than twenty definitions and uses for the word love, and even in our society today we have a myriad of connotative uses for "love". Why so? How can it be both a noun and a verb, yet still be thought of in the same context?

What I recommend to everyone, men, women, white, black, perhaps even purple, is to think about and explain what they mean when they say "I love you" or "I am loving this" instead of relying on the word to relay the message. Perhaps this can save a few potential broken hearts.

Being in a relationship is one of the most truly splendid events that can take place in a person's life. You meet someone. You "fall" in love. You think about the future. And, eventually all things go as planned. You stay in love. You are able to overcome the urge to blame and fight with each other. You never think about cheating and you never have to worry about the other person cheating… right…?

Somehow, for some reason, while writing this blog I get the sense that more than a few of you are objecting to the above. Do such things not occur commonly? Perhaps the reason such statements sound like jokes is because we look at relationships half backwards or even wholly twisted. First, as the title points out, how can you be "in" a relationship? Where is it? Can you touch it or show it to me? I understand that this is a metaphor, but it also lends to delusional thinking. The "relationship" is treated as an external object that must be tended to. Yes, this is very detrimental to communication is relationships, an, honestly, that is all relationships are, communication. A "relationship" is communication through various forms (feelings, emotions, thoughts, intention, drives, etc.).

No wonder relationships are hellish these days. Everyone is trying to make love to a relationship!

Have you ever been sucked into a situation only to find yourself, days, weeks or months later, out of it and in a completely different state of mind? If so, did you stop and ask, what the heck was I thinking (perhaps with a cruder vernacular)? It is as if you were zombiefied, turned into someone or something other than you. Have you ever wondered why this happens?

I am a proponent of the notion that we always get what we want. But, not always do we want what we get. As stated in previous blogs, we are addicted to certain things and situations, this is part of our journey as a human (to overcome and understand why). When that raw instinct to acquire kicks in, that pure drive to posses, a mechanism takes hold of you and lives through you. The balance I find (and this is speaking solely for the core root of the issue) is in knowing. When I know that I am not that drive, that the addictive drive is only a process within, I know I am in control. Knowing this is powerful and allows for me to remain in power (of myself that is). No longer am I the slave of my emotions and no longer can others manipulate me through manipulating me through my emotions.

I am a proponent of the notion that we humans are indeed the masters of our fates and the captains of our souls. It seems, however, that most are not aware that they are in the driver's seat. It seems that most humans have pushed the autopilot button of habits and addictions and that is what steers the course of their life. Now, I am not saying that it is easy to take the helm and lead the way, but I am saying that we have the potential. And, doing so is quite simple. No, I am not contradicting myself by saying this process is both "not easy" and "simple" as those two words hold two very different connotations in this matter. I am saying that there is one step to take charge and that step is quite literally taking charge. Once you know you have this option, do not wait for approval from some secondary source. Make a stand within and inside and feel the power of choice.

The only question is: Do you want to make the choice or do you want others to choose for you?

With recent horrendous events in Haiti many are willing to lend a hand or toss out a few shillings. But, as these situations go, we must ask ourselves several questions. The first is why are they refusing the volunteer help? The second, why do they only ask for money? Yes, volunteers are potential liabilities, but there are waivers that can take care of that. And, yes, money can go a long way and pay for someone already in the country to help out. However, what many of us overlook is that Haiti was already in BAD shape and so were many other countries we gave our "aid" to. And, to be honest, our "aid doesn't seem to stretch that far or rebuild the country. Could it be that there is money to be made in this destruction? Could it be that the funding goes to American or American backed companies which only truly help themselves and not the suffering people of the nation? Why not take action to help a country in piss poor shape instead of waiting for a natural disaster to make it worse?

Scribed above the temple of Delphi were these mystical words, the translation of which reads "Know Thyself". What does it mean to know thyself? How can you even get to a place where you don't know who you are? Why, you are you, are you not? Who else could you be? Yet, for some strange reason our planet seems to have a pandemic of internal amnesia. People can easily remember what their names are and where their story is. Yet for some rather odd reason the human race seems to be at a loss for knowing who they are within their own skin. They spend years searching for an identity. They teach their children to "make something of themselves". Are children not themselves the second they are born? And if they must make something of themselves in the future than they must be empty of a self in the present and so fulfill a role to please those who will judge them.

This seems like a lot of pressure put on today's youth and even its adults. Perhaps this is the reason or root for all of the depression, anxiety and all other way-too-common mental disorders passing around these days. What do you think?

I am not a man who has been in a ton of relationships. However, I have had enough to know that anger is an issue that will come up. Now, there are a few things that fall into the "anger" category, frustration being one of them. In writing this I fully understand that you or your lover will not always have the control to stop him or herself from reacting, but in order to effectively transmute or dispel the anger you must do one of several things:

1. Understand that the anger, your or the others, is NOT personal.
   
2. Know that the anger is ONLY a reaction and will eventually subside.
   
3. Find a way to blow off steam or allow the other person to blow off steam (find a healthy release of the pent up energy, often this is foolishly done by blaming your partner but that will only lead to worsened reactions the second time around)
   
4. Admit to yourself that your anger is your responsibility. If it is your partners anger allow them to see it on their own, if you try to make them see it chances are you will come off as blaming or you will have shifted from non-emotional to emotional and trying to push the weight of responsibility onto them.
   

   
    

   
    

   These things are crucial for relationships. If they do not happen, well take a look at a past relationship or someone else's and you will see the results.

For the earlier portion of my life I always believed that addictions were only for those hooked on some sort of illegal drugs or someone hooked on a legal drug illegally. As a child I was shown videos by various teachers depicting the "typical" addict, strung out, high-strung, itching for a fix and so on. Of course, this included also alcohol. Typical the image conjured was of a violent man with a stubby face and a wobbling body violently attacking, either physically or verbally, his family. But are these the only addictions out there? More important a question is: Are these the only harmful addictions? Can an addiction to television be as harmful if not more? What about the addiction to shopping, which so many of today's females have? Are they in danger as well?

If you think about it, an addiction to a drug has a high potential of being seen by both you and others in your life. The lesser, more common addictions do not have this advantage. Also, the "common" addictions so many of us carry can often dull our lives and prevent us from exploring the deeper transcendental aspects to our being. This transcendental state is one I pray everyone has a chance to experience.

So, I ask you now: What are you addicted to? Are you even aware that you have an addiction? And, what are some of the effects of this addiction?

 

 

I'd like to return to the subject of vibrations, especially in regards to people. If you've gone to a sporting event with a substantial amount of people you will notice how the general mood or vibration of the crowd can and will change the individual. People are very susceptible to public opinion and often without noticing it. It is as if the people around them are projecting a sort of energy frequency that says "join me or perish". However, must we fall victim to this sort of psychic bullying? Is there a way to transcend such low or negative vibrations?

I say: Yes!

The way to transcend is to do just that: Transcend. You must raise your vibration to a higher level or, in other words, rise above reaction. If you pay attention, negative emotions carry a heavy vibration of energy and, oddly, happiness (in some forms) also carries a heavy vibration, though not as low. However, peace, understanding, forgiveness, insight and awareness, all of which are intertwined, carry a very light vibration.

Try this: Next time you encounter someone who brings a heavy frequency and seems to try to bring you into it, use one of the above transcendental vibrations to counteract their frequency. See if this will almost make you impervious to their "energy projection". It might in fact make you transparent to them in total.

Have you ever noticed that you and the person next to you, though both human beings, live on two different planes of existence? Have you ever stopped to wonder how and why that is? As sort of a general observation I have noticed that our reality seems to operate with one basic principle. That principle is vibration. Think about it. Everything has a level of vibration and matter with a more potent vibration generally makes a large impact or mark in the world. Bass is the vibration of sound. Heavy bass can knock a man to his feet or shatter windows. When oxygen vibrates at a heavier frequency it heats up. Vibrate oxygen to much and it will boil your skin.

What if you have a vibration? What if you are an energy force that is constantly vibrating? What if your mood is the result of that fluctuating vibration? What sort of impact are you having on the world around you?

Do you find yourself getting angry your dog for barking? Are you irritated by the sound of a crying baby? Does it bother you when your significant other asks you a question you find irrelevant? Have you ever stopped to wonder why that is? Have you ever pondered the notion that your irritation, anger or frustration just might be your responsibility and not someone or else'?

How could that be? How could someone else irritating behavior be your responsibility and not theirs?

Perhaps the reality is not that they are irritating, but that you are irritated and are projecting blame onto them. It is much easier to blame someone else for the way you feel than to take the weight of responsibility. Also, we are bread in a culture to believe that someone must be blamed for all bad deeds, even if it is ourselves.

Perhaps this is the reason prison inmates get worse in prison instead of coming out rehabilitated. After all, how do you blame a dog for barking? Is it not better to understand why he barks and so change the behavior through response instead of reaction?

What does it mean to go with the flow? Surely, like all other sayings, the flow holds a variety of meanings. In regards to your life, however, the flow is the direction in which events unfold and manifest along your path. So what does it mean to "go" with this flow? More importantly, how can one "go" with it? To answer this I ask: do you ever find a feeling within the pit of your stomach urging you to steer clear of the direction you're headed? Do you ever feel an urge to get angry because things did not go your way, especially with someone you are in a relationship with? If so you know what it feels like to not go with the flow.

To go with the flow, especially in a relationship, you must pay close attention to your emotions and your thoughts. If you find yourself getting upset with the unexpected stop and ask yourself: Will getting upset with this person or situation truly help me, anyone else or the situation get any better?

How can a human being, born from a mother, raised as a child, commit atrocities like murder and genocide? How? We all feel love to some degree. If a being did not experience love, that individual would not know the opposite. As stated before, opposites create each other, feed each other, and depend on each other. So, how, in so many counties around the world, can mass groups of peoples, virtually entire populations, murder an entire race or nation? How can men join together and take a stand for murder? Is it because they were born evil? Sure, men like Hitler are devious to their bones. However, Hitler only served a fraction of the horrors that were committed. It was his followers that did the damage. Were they all pure evil? Were they all born to do devilish deeds? What if this was not the case? What if the reason for these heinous acts was blind submission?

If this is the case I ask you: Is there an instance or situation in your life where you follow without question? Also, what are the effects of this behavior?